Moo! The Musings of a Plaid Cow

Compared to last years power duo of Kimberly Locke and Clay Aiken, this years version of American Idol has been a snoozefest. Diana DeGarmo (the only person left from whom I might buy music) started out nearly the bottom of my favorites list. Who else am I supposed to like? Mantasia? The only album from this year I am really looking forward to is Amy Adams’ country debut (including Sin Wagon).

According to the totals given on tonight’s show (where John Stevens failed to make it to the round of five), there were twenty eight million votes cast, four million of which were cast for the “loser” John. Given the greatest possible separation of 5th and 6th places (which requires the top 5 in a dead heat), John has 14.2% while 1st through 5th place get 17.1%. Given the polling methods employed, I would guess it is nearly a dead heat. And this is with the greatest possible separation.

And speaking of math: many people decried last weeks Idol show as racist because all three contestants in the bottom three were black. Face the facts: only half of the finalists were caucasian, four of the first five contestants voted off were caucasian leaving only two out of the seven remaining contestants caucasian. What is racist about this again?

According to the radio commercials of a large american conglomerate, “the conversation never ends with &”. McDonald’s should license this to make it a part of the Hamburger University curriculum: “The sentence never ends with and”.

I went to a local restaurant the other morning and ordered two breakfast burritos (formerly part of the dollar menu) and two hash browns. Just before getting my food I asked for 5 packets of mild sauce and two packets of ketchup. The worker hands me four packets of mild sauce and then walks away, returning later to ask if I need soemthing else. Before I can answer they realize why five does not equal four and hand me an additional packet of mild sauce, relegating my request to a land of forgotten dreams.

Fed up with this, I asked for two packets of ketchup and some more napkins. (When having hashbrowns I use a total of five napkins…the first four are used to soak the grease off of them.) I had two packets of ketchup dropped in my hand and then the clerk turned away again. Now some may berate me for changing the requested items in the middle, but I firmly believe that my sentences were being stopped with the word and which means it doesn’t really make a difference.

When the clerk returned again I repeated the request for the napkins and it was granted. At least this is better than the usual answer to my request for more napkins: “They’re in the bag.” Yes, I realize there are napkins in the bag, that is why I asked for more, not what I already had.

I contrast this usual experience to the one of this morning: I asked for two packets of ketchup and some more napkins, they were dropped in the bag before being handed to me and the attendant said “Have a Nice Day”. Same McDonald’s. Same time of day. Same approximate order. There was only one major difference. This guy spoke English…and spoke it well. (More on that later.)

In research for another blog entry I did some “research” on Google and did a search for ampersand (the single character). I found the top 5 results amusing:

1. Barnes & Noble.com
2. AT&T: The World’s Networking Company
3. Food and Drug Administration Home Page
4. United States Patent and Trademark Office Home Page
5. MapQuest: Home

Which one of these just doesn’t seem to fit? What connection could I be missing?

The package of SweeTarts Jelly Beans I am looking at contains six flavors: Orange, Cherry, Lemon, Grape, Green Apple, and Blue Punch. Can anyone explain what “flavor” Blue Punch is?

When they say that the internet is clogged with spam, does that really mean it is just constipated?

On American Idol last night, Quentin Tarantino told Diana DiGarmo: “Diana you pulled off the song, but so what? You pulled off the notes and stuff, but I don’t care.” Its good to hear a guest judge who actually has the balls to judge the contestants.

My next project which I will probably never work on will be to post a guide on how to ask questions when you are posting to an online bulliten board. Examples are taken from the Apple Discussions board, starting with the AppleScript section:

First of all, make sure to choose a good suject for the post, as in these examples: * No idea what I’m doing. * Script newbie: Need help on first script * Two questions from an AppleScriptNovice

Him and everybody else. Wal-Mart was a madhouse this evening…at 11:30pm, in a place where the sidewalks are rolled up at 9:30. The parking lot was still full of cars when we finally were able to leave at 1:00am. It hasn’t been that bad since the day-after Thanksgiving.

If you really are out to get me, please let me know so I don’t have to be paranoid.

For all of those who would like to laugh at my horrible picks in the NCAA tournament pool, I would like to enter the following evidence from (by far, with 126 entries) the largest pool I was entered:

Congratulations to the National Champion Connecticut Huskies and to this year’s contest winners:
First: Jeff Geist ks92
Second: Randall Million lou97
Third: Shane Delsman wis99M
Last: Ryan Bergan ill04

It just goes to show that I can sometimes get things right. I would also like to point out that all of these pools were just for fun and that they were legal and no money changed hands for any of them.