Moo! The Musings of a Plaid Cow

One of my coworkers today was complaining about the spam she got today for a FREE VIAGRA ALTERNATIVE.

I was thinking, yeah, there is a free Viagra alternative, its called abstinence.

The best ASCII art i’ve seen in years, as posted on slashdot:

--------joke------------>


  O
 /|\ <--- you
  |
 / \

From my financial institution’s website:

We are in the process of upgrading the website. During this period, you may see the new version of our website. Thank you for your patience as we improve.

So mind blowing, I can’t even think of a witty retort.

Another Year of Age
Another Year of Beauty
Happy Birthday
To the best wife I know.

When I changed jobs a while back I took over the desk of Paul, who is on a two year leave (serving with the National Guard in Iraq). Besides being a really interesting guy that I have never had a chance to meet, he seems to be subscribed to every free magazine known to man, and since I have his same phone number, they all call wanting to renew his subscription.

Most of the conversations have gone something like this:

Me: Hello
Her: Yes, I would like to speak with Mr. Paul
Me: Paul will be out of the office for the next year and a half.
Her: So I can call back after Christmas?
Me: No, he will be out until July 2008.

I’m sure they are well intentioned, but since they keep calling, I’m thinking of more creative ways to tell the ones that just don’t get it. Like, “I’m sorry, Paul is out of the office with a blood infection due to a paper cut he got while reading your magazine.”

Maybe this would get through–though the subtlety may not make it through the language barrier.

Back when I used to have Instant Messaging at work, every Friday I would try to inject a little joy into the lived of my co-workers by sending them a nice instant message to wish them a good weekend. Like these examples:

• Do you know who the winner of the “Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny” is? Find out at http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/285267 and then enjoy the rest of your weekend.

• It appears to be deader than a door nail. So I’m going to spend the week looking for some door nails with signs of life. Hopefully your weekend it better.

• No bones about it. Sharks love Friday’s. Have a good weekend. >-^---:-

• Have a good weekend and don’t forget to stop by Fred’s Fish Packin’ (the “We fill it with filet” store). It’s about a mile down on the right. You can’t miss it.

• reorg…tastes like burning. have a great weekend.

• Have a nice and joyous weekend.

• Have a good weekend and beware the spotted fish.

• Are the weekends in Texas bigger too? I gotta get me some of that.

If you every wanted to know how to get more than the universe has to offer, check out the offer I just got in the mail today:

Get Unlimited Cash Back or Even More…

More than unlimited? That’s a deal too good to pass up.

You know it’s going to be a long morning when…

…your doughnuts start pancaking…

…and you haven’t even had your morning coffee.

Heard over the management conference room wall at work this week:

We can’t miss the cost estimate on this when were only forecasting two weeks–we’ll look drunk and disorderly.

What do a fat lady and a brick have in common?

• They tend to hurt people if dropped from tall heights. (Jeremy)
• They both have holes, but not everyone wants to stick it to them. (John)
• It’s just a matter of time before a mexican lays one… (Brian)
• They’re both measured in tons! (Josh)
• If you lay them right, they never move afterwards…
• Some people say if you see brick on a house the inside may look real nice. They also say if you see a fat girl at a party her friends may look real nice too. (David)