Moo! The Musings of a Plaid Cow

I got this list of how you know you’re from Louisville way back in December of 2004. Might as well publish it now, since most of it is true:

• Your international airport has only one passenger flight that actually leaves the 48 contiguous states
• The in-state sports rivalry is paid more attention to than the national championship
• You live in an area that occasionally gets considerable snowfalls, floods, and tornadoes… but have no capacity to deal with any of the above
• You pronounce the name of your city different than anyone else you’ve heard
• You think the rest of the people in Kentucky sound like hicks
• When you think “Kentucky” you don’t automatically think horse racing or fried chicken
• You ask your doctor for an allergy cure and he tells you to move
• You’ve shoveled 10+ inches of snow and worn shorts in the same week
• When people ask what school you went to, they don’t mean Vanderbilt, Notre Dame, or Harvard; they mean St. X, Trinity, Male, Sacred Heart or Assumption
• You know what the “Bambi Walk” is
• You’ll always call Fourth Street Live the Galleria
• Your last ten vacations were to Destin with at least five other families from Louisville who you already see on a weekly basis
• You make an emergency run to Kroger for bread and milk at the first sighting of a snowflake
• You’ve lived here for years, yet somehow you get hopelessly lost each time you attempt a shortcut through Cherokee Park
• You’re convinced turn signals are useless options on a vehicle
• You hold up traffic to let a motorist you don’t know into your lane
• You give directions based on landmarks that no longer exist or street names that have changed, but your directions never confuse any of the other Louisvillians;
• You have never been to the Derby, but wouldn’t miss the Oaks
• You call in sick to attend the Oaks and spot your boss&em;who also called in sick&em;at the next betting window;
• You introduced your friends to mint juleps in college only until you found yourself the only one not passed out at the party
• You think all the “REAL HICKS” live in New Albany
• You think the only thing southern Indiana is good for is buying pumpkins
• When introduced to another life long Louisvillian, you spend the first part of the conversation finding out how you are connected. it’s never as many as six degrees of separation-usually three will do
• You think a pervert is someone who would rather have sex than watch basketball;
• You’ve built a shrine to Rick Pitino in your basement
• You can read about Rick Pitino in at least three different sections of your newspaper
• You think the rest of the world knows what “Benedictine Spread” is
• You think the rest of the world knows what a “Hot Brown” is
• You have never eaten fish that wasn’t fried
• You think the whole world puts spaghetti in chili
• You want another bridge built over the Ohio River, just so long as it doesn’t cut through your neighborhood
• You’ve experienced a salt storm after a two inch snowfall