Dear Valued Customer
Dear Valued Customer,
Since we bought out your bank that you liked and gave you a bank you never asked for in the first place, we have found that you are not giving us enough of your money. Effective in two months we will begin soaking your formerly free checking account with a $6 monthly fee. Neener, neener, neener.
Since we just you though the pain of switching all your automatic payments to a new checking account number two years ago, we don’t think you’ll be in a hurry to change banks and do it again. We hope you enjoy remaining a customer and encourage you to bend over and take it up the ass each and every time you see one of our signs.
— The Staff at Old National Bank